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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My Own Parking Space

The lead custodian at the building I work at dropped by my office today. She said that her and some of the others working in the building saw me walking to my car “looking very pregnant” the other day. She said they are going to be putting out a cone in one of the parking spots close to the building. That way I don’t have to walk as far.

Early Christmas present to me! I was so thankful for this. Especially once it starts to get cold.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Winter of the Orange

This Summer all I wanted to eat was fresh tomatoes. Not from the store, mind you, they had to come from people’s gardens. One night for dinner I ate 8 tomatoes with salt. It was awesome. The Summer of the Tomato has passed.

Now on to the winter of the orange. I have eaten 2 oranges today, and I will probably eat a few more before the end of the night. I like orange juice, but not as much as I like just a plain old orange.

Want to know what to get me for Christmas, or maybe even a baby shower? A box of oranges or clementines.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

About Being a Mother

My perspective on what kind of mother I’d be has changed a lot since I was a little girl. I never was the type of girl that instantly replied “mother” when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always said things like, teacher, or writer, or for most of my life, lawyer.

When I was in high school, I determined that I didn’t want to be a wife and mother, and I’d much rather be a politician. Part of me felt that way, but mostly I was making up for some insecurities I felt about just not being good enough for that lifestyle.

When I got to college and starting dating seriously, I realized that the mother dream was something I really did want. More than a career, or even heaps of degrees and education. When I got married I had dreams of staying home to raise a family.

Now that I’m getting close to actually having a family, things have changed a little. I don’t know when I’ll get to stay home with my family, or if I ever will. Daniel’s medical condition combined with his choice of career makes it difficult to forsee when I won’t need to work in order to keep current health insurance.

At first, I really struggled with this. I had grown up thinking that it just wasn’t possible to raise a family properly if the mom wasn’t home. Now I’m going to be one of those moms that just isn’t there all the time. Daniel and I seem to have worked out an arrangement where he will be home most of the time, while taking a few mornings a week for school. I am grateful that at least one of us will be able to be home with the baby all the time, but at the same time, I feel guilty because it’s not me.

I have a lot of fears about being a working mom. I want to breastfeed, but I know it’s difficult to keep a good supply when you are working full-time and having to pump most of the time. But, my biggest concerns are about the attachment I’ll have to my daughter. Will she know that I’m her mom? How many milestones will I miss out on? Will she think that I don’t love her as much as other moms who get to stay home all the time?

I am sure that most of these fears I have will be resolved once the baby is here and we’ve worked out a routine. And, I know that everything will work itself out, even if the situation isn’t ideal.